Acceptance of feelings

Acceptance of feelings involves two steps: Awareness and willingness to experience what is present.

For this practice, you will be required to sit and become mindful with your journal. This is like meditation in action, or as I like to - Introspection. Allow 30 minutes for this practice. And together, we sit for 5 minutes in silence before we even begin to write.

Step 1 - Awareness

The first step in accepting feelings is awareness of those feelings. As soon as you notice that (negative) feelings arise, pay attention to them.

What feelings or emotions are you experiencing? What thoughts are going through your mind?

Then try to focus on your body. Often, emotions are represented in our bodies.

What feelings arise in your body? Simply observe what you feel in your body. Maybe you feel tension or other sensations. Perhaps you experience a tightness in your stomach, around your heart or neck. Whatever you experience, try to stay with the sensations and be gentle on yourself.

You can use the breath as a vehicle to do this. Direct awareness to the part of the body where those sensations are strongest. ‘Breathe into’ that part of the body on the in-breath.

Step 2 - Willingness to experience

Rather than pushing this experience away, try to let it be.

In silence, you can say to the feeling: “It is OK, you are allowed to be here.” “Whatever it is, it’s OK. Let me feel it”.

See what happens if you allow yourself to experience whatever you experience in this moment. Just stay with the awareness of these bodily sensations and your relationship to them, breathing with them, accepting them, and letting them be. You can repeat “It’s OK. Whatever it is, it’s OK.”.

Perhaps you notice that the feeling gets more intense. Maybe the feeling remains the same or reduced.
It may also move in your body. Whatever happens, it is OK. Simply allow it to be. Observe what happens. Remember to stay with the experience with curiosity and kindness. You are experiencing sensations without reacting.

Often, thoughts can distract us from the present moment experience. Maybe there are thoughts about what happened or about this exercise. That’s OK. Simply notice when your attention is focused on thoughts and then kindly direct your attention back to your experience in the present moment.

Continue to discover what happens within your body and mind without tightening or resisting it. You can try to hold together in awareness both the sensations in your body and the sense of the breath—breathing with the sensations.

When you notice that the bodily sensations are no longer pulling for your attention, simply return 100% to the breath and continuing with that as the primary object of attention. If, in the next few minutes, no powerful sensations in your body arise, try this exercise with any bodily sensations that you experience, even if they have no particular charge.

Additional Notes To Reflect Upon:

When practicing mindfulness and acceptance, please make sure to adopt the right attitude during practice:

Without judgment

We are very used to judging everything and everyone around us. We compare present experiences with past experiences or expectations and judge automatically. We experience something and we automatically start thinking about and judging this experience. This process of judgment prevents us from being fully present in the now. We see the present through the lens of our judgment.

Trying to stop the judgment is difficult, if not impossible, because it is often automatic, and created by our mind. Trying not to judge is similar to trying not to think of a white bear. It is enough to become aware of judgment. During practice, notice when your mind judges, and direct attention in a friendly way back to the practice again.

Endlessly starting over again

Mindfulness is about starting over again, again and again. Once you get distracted during practice, you redirect attention back again. You do this many times. In fact, it is part of the exercise. In this way, you train redirection of attention, a crucial aspect of attention regulation. Mindfulness cultivates open awareness, the hallmark of a beginner’s mind. It is as if we look at reality for the first time, like a young child who experiences something for the very first time.

No striving

It is perhaps the aspect of mindfulness that is most paradoxical and most difficult to explain; there is no goal to achieve with the exercises. This may sound very strange. People often apply mindfulness techniques and strategies because they wish to achieve the goal of worrying less, experiencing less stress, less pain etc. The goal of mindfulness is not to achieve a future goal (like becoming relaxed or becoming the best meditator ever), but to be present with whatever arises in the present moment. The goal of mindfulness is to cultivate a different relationship with feelings and emotions, rather than to change them. When using mindfulness to get rid of negative feelings or change emotions, this will most likely be counterproductive.

Acceptance

Acceptance starts with perceiving reality as it is right now. In the first place, acceptance is about acknowledging what is present. In general, we often don’t see what we don’t want to see and what we wish to see differently. We devote a lot of time to denying what is there. Consequently, we waste a lot of precious energy by resisting something that cannot be changed in the first place. During practice, both pleasant and unpleasant sensations, emotions and thoughts may arise. Instead of denying them and pushing them away, mindfulness requires willingness to let them be as they are. Remember that the goal of mindfulness is not to get rid of these internal states, but to change one’s relationship with these states. Mindfulness cultivates a more friendly, acceptance-based relationship with internal states. In other words, when unpleasant states arise, try to welcome them and perceive them as part of the exercise, part of reality. Let them be as they are.

Letting go

Sometimes, positive experiences arise during the exercises. People often want to hold on to these experiences. We attempt to prolong their duration and make them last longer. Mindful awareness means detachment of all events. In fact, when we try to change the course of positive experiences, we are doing exactly the same thing as when we try to push away the negative states. In both cases, we try to alter reality instead of experiencing it with an open, detached attitude. It is enough to observe and give the positive experience room to follow its natural course. The more freedom you provide for experiences to occur, the more freedom you will experience.

Compassion

Practice compassion. Don’t be angry at yourself when you get distracted during the exercises. Thoughts and feelings will always arise. It is how the mind works. Every mind operates like this. Your mind is no exception. Awareness in this moment provides the opportunity to direct attention back to the exercise in a friendly, compassionate way. So be kind to yourself when you notice pain, anger or fear. Be kind when you notice that you judge, that you get distracted, that your mind wants to avoid pain. Practice friendly, open awareness.