Awake in my dreams

People often ask my opinion on lucid dreaming. I don’t really know biologically what happens - but here is what I think and feel most nights. I would love to know if you have similar experiences…. but I’m ok with crazy too.

Baby Pai Pai

Baby Pai Pai

It always starts the same.

I wonder how long it will take until I fall asleep.

I give up my phone, black out the lights and set an intention.

I’m a sloppy romantic. I think about love – past and present, fantasy futures.

That’s my favourite thing – to fall asleep with no restriction on what I can choose to imagine for myself.

I scan my body head to toe and stretch my breath as far as it will go. My body is calm; my mind is still busy.

I feel a pull of energy towards certain parts of my body and lean in with questions.

I give my mind a job to do –making sure it’s present in the room.

I hear the roof creak, the wind, there’s a car or two…but it’s late now.

I black out.

I wake up.

Eyes still shut, my body feels heavy.

I’m in a dream.

My heart picks up pace and I know I need to calm down for this to work.

I’m confident here, I’m well practised and I know there’s a few ways this could go.



I begin as an Observer.

Watching myself move through the scene. I take a look around.

I know that any sudden movements or shock will tell the subconscious I am awake.

The scene is a reflection of my fragmented existence to date– memories, moments and beliefs.

The characters are vacant. I am aware of my own presence in their being – their eyes are my eyes.

I interplay ever so delicately.

A form of trickery with the part of my mind that thinks I am safe and somewhat stupid.

It’s like I’ve jumped into a movie. I watch, I listen and roleplay with the characters.

I am the director of this movie through subtle intent.

I’m re-learning lessons I’ve missed throughout the day.

I find closure, acceptance, forgiveness and resolutions.

I settle things – tie up loose ends.

Sometimes I get laid.



It’s an abstract artform - graphic images and insertions of sound.

Vivid, detailed, cryptic, fast paced and jumpy.

I try and catch as many images and sounds as I can with the time that I have.

They imprint my mind with their importance.

They are stashed in my conscious mind, ready when I wake up.

Symbolic images from my unconsciousness psyche – the ‘black place’ we go when we pass out.

The part of my mind that foretells my future based on the choices I’ve made to date.

An opportunity to review and reprogram.

A link to lives lived- trails of trauma, soul contracts, faces and fears.

A deeper, more intelligent aspect of Self trying to surface and make life easy.

Guidance, if I can get it.



Absolutely in my body - somewhere else.

I see, I touch flesh, feel temperature, taste, smell and talk.

I am no longer observing – I am taking action.

People are here – not characters.

They have unique glimmers in their eyes. They ‘see’ me.

I sense a soul – something infinite.

There is no fear here, no rules. Just joy.

Some of the souls I know, some…I have no idea! But they know me.

Some places are familiar and other places completely new.

I wonder how it’s possible to ‘see’ a place or person I’ve never experienced in ‘awake’ life.

We catch up and chat. I ask as many questions as I can!

They’re entertained by my childlike wonder of this place.

I cannot believe the density of what I experience in this dream.

There is no waking up from this experience– it forms a memory carried into the next day like any other passing moment of any other day!



I close my eyes and I see black.

Time and space dissolve.

I sit in two places at once, asleep and awake.

The darkness liberates my mind.

The darkness lubricates my mind, colours appear.

The darkness forms a mirror and for a second, I see my eyes stare back at me.

Caught out.

A moment with God; my own mind realising itself.

The darkness turns light.

A bright something. I don’t know what.

A creation of my imagination.

Is that what I am?

It’s silent but I feel different vibrations of sounds like orchestral music behind movie scenes.

I freeze.

Fear – I feel the sound of feet pounding the pavement getting closer and closer. Fear screaming through my body like a black and white strobe. The rhythm is haunting and traumatic. It’s chasing me and I start to panic.

If I can calm myself down it moves through me, past me.

I know I am in two places and this is not my only option.

What are you? Fear? What are you then, love?

It’s silent again, for a second.

Love – sounds through me like chimes delicately blowing in the wind, unpredictably perfect. Love gasps for a first breath expanding my chest. Every cell of my body feels like stars imploding with laughter.

I am in euphoria.

It fades and I black out.



I awake in my room.

I step out of my body and look back at the shell.

I jump off the ground and swim through the air.

Things from above.

Things from below.

I can breathe underwater.

I travel, play and explore.

I am anchored to Earth – but not bound by natural law.

Okay that’s all I can think of right now. I think there’s probably a few more types of dreams I can recount but I’m over it haha. I don’t like the idea of thinking we just ‘black out’ and wake up each night and between lives. There’s more to it, for sure.

I believe we can regain consciousness and memory of these black moments if we develop our intuitive minds.

Paisley Madison1 Comment